Tales of Sybyss
by Sin Muffins
Summary: A Tales of Symphonia, Tales of the Abyss crossover, written for a prompt war.  What happens when Lloyd's gang run into Luke's at an inn?  Chaos and confusion, my friends, chaos and confusion!


Tales of Sybyss: A ToS/ToA oneshot crossover

Prompt #1: Battle of the Boobs, lamp, flowerpot, mannequin, sausage pillow

A/N: This story wasn't so bad at first. But then it was subjected to deadlines and editing and deleting and all sorts of other fun stuff. So… I tried, anyway. Please review, even if you don't think it's the greatest thing you've ever read… because this is my first prompt war and if you don't review it will be like chopping my ego into little tiny pieces. And then smashing it. Then throwing it off a cliff and bombing it. And you don't want that, now do you? DO YOU?

IMPORTANT: SPOILER for Akzeriuth in ToA. It's small, but it's definitely there.

--

"_Genis!_" Raine shrieked.

Genis swallowed. "Y-yes, Raine?"

"_What's a monster doing in the bathroom?!_" Several loud thumping sounds accompanied this announcement, followed by the sharp noise of something shattering.

Downstairs on the first floor of the inn, Lloyd turned to look at his friend. Genis had gone rather pale, and turned to face Lloyd as well.

"Do _you_ want to go take care of it?" he asked nervously.

"I dunno… she seems to be handling it alright by herself…."

At that moment, the front door burst open, and Lloyd and Genis had to dive out of the way to avoid the group of seven that charged across the threshold.

"_Get back here, you stupid Thing_!" so saying, one of them hurried up the stairs, looking extremely aggravated.

"Calm down, Luke," Natalia admonished. "Is that any way for an ambassador to behave?"

"And besides," Jade added, "Mieu led us to a great place to spend the night."

A door at the end of the second floor flung open, and Mieu darted out, followed closely by a furious Raine. Mieu scurried over to Luke, who had come to a halt at the top of the stairs.

"M-Master! Help me! _Mieuuuuu_!"

Raine paused upon noticing the crowd gathered in the entrance. "Oh…."

Kratos strode out of a room, frowning. "What was that all about?" he demanded.

"Oh… nothing," Raine said, shrugging, now completely calm. "Just a… loose pet. Did it wake Colette up?

"I'd be surprised if it didn't." The mercenary opened a door and peered inside it for a moment. He blinked, then shut it again.

"Is she awake?"

"She's…." Kratos's expression became somewhat confused, "Well, it _looks_ like she's trying to count the dust mites in the light from the window…."

"Um… excuse me," Tear spoke up. "But… would there be enough rooms for all of us? We were planning to stay for a day or two…."

Raine glanced at Kratos, then down at Genis and Lloyd—both of whom were staring unabashedly at the newcomers. "Well… there would be room, if it were only the four of us…."

As if on cue, the front door swung open once more, and in walked Zelos, Sheena, Presea, and Regal.

"Woah!" Zelos exclaimed upon entering. "It sure got crowded."

Then something caught his eye. Flipping his long hair over his shoulder, he approached Tear. "Hey there, beautiful."

She eyed him critically. "Are you a man or a woman?"

He laughed, completely unfazed. "I'm gorgeously male, hunny."

Tear raised an eyebrow. "Huh."

"You look gay," Anise informed him bluntly.

He appeared not to hear her, and spun around to face Natalia. "And _hello_ there, my—"

A blow from the side sent him reeling across the room.

"Zelos!" Sheena scolded. "Don't flirt with strangers."

"But that's the whole _point_," he whined from the other side of the room. Sheena ignored him.

Raine and Kratos decided it was now safe to go downstairs, and introductions were made (which took quite a while). They then proceeded to file upstairs, where they were faced with a serious problem involving sixteen people and eight rooms.

Eventually, after much deliberation… well, okay, arguing… and no small amount of name-calling, they were able to split up into pairs and headed into their rooms (Mieu went with Tear and Natalia after Luke kicked the cheagle out of his).

The sun went down.

--

It was the middle of the night. Lloyd stumbled out of bed, yawning, while trying not to wake Colette. Lloyd fumbled for the lantern that sat on the table, waiting until he was out in the hall before lighting it with the Sorcerer's Ring. The lamp, held high, illuminated the row of doors along the corridor. Lloyd stared at them blankly. _Hmm… so which one is the bathroom?_

He headed down the hall, stopping at a door near the end. _I think this is it…._

Tentatively, he opened the door and peered inside.

He frowned. Genis lay curled up with something long and soft and squashy. Upon further inspection, it proved to be a pillow. Lloyd rather thought it looked like a sausage. _He's got a sausage pillow…_ he thought admiringly. _I want one. It looks so soft, I bet Colette would love it._ Then Genis whimpered. "No…" he mumbled, shivering and clutching his pillow even more tightly. "No… I didn't mean to get the answer wrong… Raine, come on, you're my sis—_noooooo_!"

Shuddering, Lloyd closed the door.

--

By the time Lloyd and Colette woke up the next morning and headed sleepily downstairs, several of the others had already broken into an argument.

The fight had begun when Zelos declared to Natalia, "So, my lovely! I'm dying to get to know you better… you and your beautiful blue eyes, your flaxen hair, your well-balanced figure…."

"Don't try to flatter me," Natalia snapped, pointing to Sheena. "Go comment on her figure, it's certainly obvious enough!"

Sheena glared. "At least I have a figure to comment on!"

Fuming, Natalia retorted, "Just because I don't flaunt it—!"

"I don't flaunt anything!"

"Oh, yeah? What is that holding your shirt together, Saran Wrap™?"

"Um…" Ion stepped forward tentatively. "What's going on?"

"Oh, they're having a Battle of the Boobs," Zelos said pleasantly. "You should join in… although…." He eyed Ion dubiously. "You'd probably lose."

"Um… I'm a boy."

"Oh." Zelos blinked at him. "Really?"

Kratos wandered outside as the argument reached its peak. It was kind of sad that out of all the companions he'd chosen to travel with, the only one whose company he could tolerate was the one with four legs and fur.

"That's no way for a ninja to dress!"

"How would _you_ know? You're just a _'princess'_!"

Abruptly they heard Presea's voice inform them, "Due to one third additional volume, I have concluded that Sheena's are larger in size."

Guy blinked at her. "How would _you_ know?"

Zelos beamed. "Well, I guess that settles it. Here!" From somewhere about his person he withdrew a bouquet of flowers, complete with flower pot. "For you, hunny ," he declared, presenting them to a surprised Sheena. "Don't worry," he added, turning to Natalia. "You're still very—"

Sheena smashed the flowerpot on Zelos's head.

"Aww," Natalia pouted. "I wanted to do that."

At that moment the front door crashed open, and Mieu raced in, Noishe in close pursuit.

"_Mieuuuuu_!"

"_Whine! Whine_!"

Kratos hurried in after them, calling out, "Noishe! Get back here!"

Mieu dashed over to Luke and clawed his way up Luke's pants.

"Owww!" Luke shrieked. "Dammit, Thing, get off me!"

Noishe pounced, and Mieu scrambled over Luke's shoulder in an attempt to hide.

"Noishe!" Lloyd exclaimed. "Calm down! Sit, boy!"

Grudgingly, the protozoan obeyed.

Luke pried Mieu off his clothes furiously. "What the hell did you do to make it chase you?!"

Mieu quailed under Luke's intense glare. "I-I thought it was a lyger," he whimpered, "so I breathed fire at it…."

"Stupid! And look! You wrecked my clothes!"

It was true; Luke's jacket was torn beyond any simple repair.

Shrugging it off his shoulders, he tossed it at Tear, who caught it, startled. "I'm going out!" he raged. "And that better be fixed when I get back!"

He strode out the door, steaming. After a brief pause, Guy followed. "I'll go… um, calm him down."

Tear stared at the jacket in her hands. "I don't _believe_ him!" he exclaimed, shaking her head. "I certainly don't know how to fix this."

Raine took it from her and examined it briefly. "I… think I do," she said after a moment. "And it was partly our fault… we owe it to him to fix it. But where the shoulder's torn… here… can't be repaired without Luke wearing it—otherwise I can't get the measurements right."

"Hey," Lloyd said suddenly, in a tone that got everyone's attention, "didn't you just leave?"

All fourteen of them turned to see Asch staring at them from the doorway.

"Aw, damn," Asch swore. "How come there are so many of you? Fine, I'll come back later."

"Wait!" Anise called out. All eyes turned to her. "We could use your help!"

She exchanged glances with Natalia, Tear, Jade, and Ion. They all nodded.

"Like I'd help _you_," Asch sneered.

"Fine! I guess even replicas are more useful than the originals, huh?"

Growling, he reached his sword. "Don't provoke me."

"But it's just that _replicas_ are so much more _important_…."

Fast-paced BGM sounded in the background as he attacked.

--

Asch pulled yet another feather out of his arm. "What the hell kind of attack was _that_?"

"_Angel Feathers_!" Colette sang.

Feathers formed around her and shot down toward Asch, who just barely used Guardian in time. "Stop _doing_ that!" he raged. "I've got almost no HP left as it is!"

"Oops," she giggled. "Sorry."

Suddenly Raine pulled Luke's jacket down over Asch's head.

"Hey! What's this?!"

"Don't move," she ordered, her mouth now full of pins. "You need to be a mannequin for a while."

"_What_?"

"Hey! I said don't move!"

Asch yelped as the pins jabbed his shoulders, and kept still.

Meanwhile, Mieu and Noishe had raced upstairs, where they'd found a common enemy: Genis's pillow.

A few hours later, Asch returned to the God-Generals.

"You've got a pin sticking out of your arm," Legretta informed him coolly. He removed it, wincing.

"What happened?" Sync asked, frowning. "You look kinda mad about something."

"Asch is _always_ mad about something," Arietta sighed, rolling her eyes. "What now? Get your butt kicked by that replica?"

"NO," Asch said loudly, turning and storming off.

The God-Generals watched in amusement as he stopped to extract a pink feather from his hair.

Fin


End file.
